…and waited and waited until the next scheduled ultrasound at approximately six weeks. I felt anxious during the 20 minute drive to the office, I don’t think I really said anything at all, the trip was silent…well except for radio. My mind was so focused on 50/50 chance of good outcome at this appointment I didn’t really even notice the music. B didn’t say anything either. Looking back I probably should have asked how she was feeling, what was on her mind, or just talk about something positive to distract us, but I couldn’t.
We checked-in, sat down and waited. Similar to the trip down, I didn’t pay any attention to the OB-TV or say anything, I just held B’s hand. B was called in and we went into the ultrasound room, but she had a different ultrasound tech from the first appointment. This tech was not as friendly as the first tech, I guess “friendliness” in the medical field is considered “bedside manner,” so I will say she didn’t have great bedside manner. She asked how B had been feeling and asked specific questions about signs of miscarriage, spotting, bleeding, pain, etc. in a rather curt manner. B answered, “No.” The tech asked B to remove her pants and underwear, place a sheet over her waist and left the room. No jokes from me this time. I, a bundle of nerves, sat quietly in a short rolling stool.
The tech came back in and got right down to business. I sat and starred at the screen. As soon as the probe went in, B asked, “What’s it look like? Is it ok?” The tech responded, “I’m getting there, let’s zoom in. A whole bunch of white blur with a small black spot, with what looked like a small squiggly line in the middle of the black spot. The tech says, “So it looks like that may be the start of a pole, but the doctor will have to review.” This response didn’t sooth my anxiety at all. I looked over to B who was tearing up, “is that good?” The tech repeated herself, “The doctor will have to look at it.” She printed out a few pictures, said “good luck” and left the room. B got dressed and we walked back to the waiting room. On the way B stated, “Well she sucks, I really don’t like her. The other tech was so much nicer.” I agreed.
B knew she was going to have her regular OB during this visit, which I think was helpful for both of us. B was called back into the doctor’s room she sat on the chair-table and I sat in the rolling stool, I am a fan of the rolling stool. I asked how she was feeling and she said, “scared,” just as the doctor walked in.
“How are you both doing today?” The doctor asked.
“Scared.” B replied.
“I have no idea.” I said.
“Alright well, here is the deal. As you know the hcg numbers did not do what they typically do, but that doesn’t mean anything definite. So this ultrasound looks like there may be the beginning of a fetal pole, but typically by this time the pole would be larger. Again, this doesn’t mean anything definite. So the pregnancy is in the right place and may be progressing. Sorry, but that is what I can tell you.”
“So, there is fetal pole?” B asked.
“There appears to be something developing (showing both of us the photo and the squiggly line), but I need to reiterate the caveat that the pole is not as developed as it should be at this time.”
I felt unsettled. I didn’t have any questions.
“Ok, so what’s next?” B asked the doctor.
The doctor went through the two possible options, end the pregnancy with a medication or wait and see. He said if she does decide to wait and see, she will need to schedule another ultrasound for eight weeks, two weeks from now. B looked at me, I knew what she was thinking and shook my head.
“We will see you in two weeks.”
We left for another two weeks of waiting.
This picture is from Life and Love in the Petri Dish the closest image I was able to find resembling this ultrasound.